Thursday 29 November 2012

You couldn't make this up.....

Set the scene:


Boss is in his car and out of the office for the whole day. It’s a recent Friday and the web/email hosting supplier for my company plans to migrate it’s customer accounts as a result of it’s decision to merge with another company….Internutters…..[They are not really called that but it seems appropriate]. According to the existing service provider, merger is in the interests of it’s customers and will lead to improved service, but during the merger customers will need to take no action as it will be...........

s e a m l e s s

Camera lights action ! :

Brrrrng…….brrrrrng…..brrrrng

Boss: Hi Steve, what’s up ?

Steve: Hi boss, there seems to be a problem with the emails, as the backup machines are not downloading any emails.

Boss: oh, perhaps it’s to do with the merger of our service provider. Ring their customer support help line and see what’s happening. Get back to me and let me know what’s what.

Click…… call ends

Wife [in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

A short while later……

Brrrrrng ……..brrrrng……brrrrrrng…


Boss: Hi Steve, what’s what ? did you speak to them ?

Steve: Hi Boss, I did…..

Boss: And ?

Steve: I got through to Tech support, but they have got that many problems they are manning the tech support help line with sales staff, and they couldn’t help at all……

Boss: Oh…… leave it with me I will give it a try…..

Click….. call ends…….

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

Brrrrrng brrrrrng brrrng…….

Service provider [recorded message] :Thank you for your call, if your call is about sales please press 1, if your call is for tech support help, please press 2

Boss: presses 2……..

Help line [recorded message]: Your call is important to us. Due to the merger of our business, our tech support line is very busy, you are in a queue, please be patient and we will answer your call as soon as possible……

…….. a short while later

Help line [human being]: Thank you for your call, how may I help you ?

Boss: We have a problem with our emails and they are not down loading, can you please help ?

Help line [human being]: Our tech support is very busy today, have you checked our web site for the FAQ section

Boss: Can’t you help me ?

Help line [human being]: Sorry no, you need tech support

Boss: So what are you then ?

Help line [human being]: Sales…..

Boss: But I pressed 2 for tech support

Help line [human being]: Yes I know, but all our tech support staff are busy with technical problems with the merger, so they have put sales staff on the help line

Boss: So you can’t help me with a technical problem then ?

Help line [human being]: No sir, sorry, but you’ll have to speak to tech support or try our FAQ on our web site

Boss: I’ll ring back later….!

Click……. Call ends

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

A short while later ……..

Brrrrrrng brrrrng brrrrrng

Boss: Hi Steve what’s up now ?

Steve: We are not getting any emails at all now, we’ve not had any emails for the last 2 hours or so, but worse still we can’t now send out any emails.

[with an annual email through put of around 20,000 emails {excluding viagramail} things are starting to seem anything but seamless]

Boss: I’ll try tech support again, I got the same response as you did. Leave it with me

Steve: Ok boss

Click…… call ends

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

Brrrrrng brrrrrng brrrng…….

Service provider [recorded message] :Thank you for your call, if your call is about sales please press 1, if your call is about tech support help please press 2

Boss: presses 2……..

Help line [recorded message]: Your call is important to us. Due to the merger of our business, our tech support line is very busy, you are in a queue, please be patient and we will answer your call as soon as possible……

…….. a short while later

Help line [human being]: Thank you for your call, how may I help you ?

Boss: Are you tech support or sales ?

Help line [human being]: Oooooh, I am tech support sir

Boss: We have a problem with our emails and they are not down loading can you please help ?

Help line [human being]: What’s your customer number sir ?

Boss:recounts customer number and password”

Help line [human being]: That’s your old customer number and password  sir, your account has now been merged and we have given you a new customer number, could you please tell me your new customer number

Boss: I don’t know my new customer number, where will I get that information ?

Help line [human being]: We emailed it to you this morning

Boss: But I can’t get my emails, my emails are not downloading, that’s why I am ringing you, I need help to download my emails now that you have buggered up our emails

Help line [human being]: Oh. Can you please tell me your customer number and I will try and help you sir

Boss: “recounts customer number and password”

Help line [human being]: That’s your old customer number and password sir, your account has now been merged and we have given you a new customer number, could you please tell me your customer number

Boss: I don’t know my new customer number, where will I get that information ?

Help line [human being]: We emailed it to you this morning

Boss: But I can’t get my emails, my emails are not downloading, that’s why I am ringing you, I need help to download my emails now that you have buggered up our emails

Help line [human being]: Oh. Can you please tell me your customer number and I will try and help you sir

Click………. call ends…….

Boss brings car to rest at next layby and then slowly bangs head against dash board whilst sobbing quietly…….

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear?

Husband [neé Boss]: please open the glove box and pass me the medicinal compound……..

Todays SoD is dedicated to the idiot management at Internutters……..