The mind ramblings of a young man grown old: May 2015

Thursday 14 May 2015

Press the re-set button .......

Katie's passing is not my grief ..... So why has it so wrong footed me ? I hadn't even seen her for a while .....

But it's very difficult to understand how a person's death at such a tender age can so de-rail your thoughts, especially considering that we are not even related........ Losing my Dad was tough, but for all the love that I miss him, I get it.... he was 77 years old...... he wasn't immortal......

..... What ever has happened this past month ..... it has made me question whether now is the time to really press the re-set button on my life ...... I should have done it a long time ago, but being the weak and ridiculous person I am, I could always find a 1001 excuses for not doing it......

I was listening to radio 5 live on the way into work a couple of weeks back .... some phone-in or other and I was thinking, what the fuck are these people getting so worked up about...... It was about the significance of St George's day ......

One woman was singing what sounded like some fisherman's ditti [apparently it was the Cornish national anthem] to prove she was Cornish, not English, not British, but Cornish..... christ I wish I could get that excited...... I was born in Nottingham, but I don't think I need a Nottingham anthem to prove I am real, that I exist.... as it happens, it goes like this ......

Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen
Robin Hood, Robin Hood, with his band of men
Feared by the bad, loved by the good
Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Robin Hood

Anyways ..... I've come to the conclusion that I as soon as I can clear my debts...... that's me finished with this life .......

I have worked out it will take me about 3 weeks to cycle to Pompeii, and when I have seen a place that I have never visited before .... but a place that has been firmly in my head since being a small boy ..... when I have seen Pompeii, I shall find somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Italy...... I shall point the handle bars in that direction and press my re-set button ........ after that I have no idea .......

But I'll work it out when I get there ....... sitting on some veranda under the Italian sun, head phones on, music feeding my brian ..... and no more shit to beat me down .........

But before all that happens I have Ditchling Beacon to defeat in the London to Brighton bike ride on 21st June....... I'd signed up long before Katie passed away, but somehow it now seems right. Everytime I have done the L2B in the past, Ditchling Beacon has beat me ......... but this year will be the year I finally beat it ..... my fund raising tag line is to ....... because I want to beat Ditchling Beacon before I die ....... and I am gunna do it in style ........ I am going to do it wearing the prettiest shoes ever to be ridden up Ditchling Beacon ......

I did think about doing a Reggie Perrin once I arrived at Brighton but the wind over the English Channel can get a bit bracing..... so leaving my clothes folded in a neat pile and running off the beach naked is not my idea of making a run for it .......... to be fair being naked on Brighton Beach might not seem that out of the ordinary ..... assuming there is still a naturist beach there ...... but no...... I shall not make my get away via Brighton ........... the weather and food in Italy are so much better
.....although I might miss me pies ....... I love pies ......

If I can't find any pies in Italy .......

I will still have the Blue Nile .......

I love the Blue Nile .......